Sample Lawsuits | Lawyer Jokes | Contest

SAMPLE LAWSUITS
Here are some of our favorite lawsuits from So Sue Me!:

Fast Food Joint
Coffee spilled in your lap is so cold it causes frostbite!

Software Company
You had already trademarked the name "Napster" for your invention - a waterbed filled with beer.

Drug Company
Medical marijuana not as good as the illegal kind!

Hotel
You put up the "Do Not Disturb" sign. So why are you so disturbed?

Dental Practice
Replacement of old fillings cuts off your contact with aliens!

Supermarket Tabloid
Tabloid reports you're being treated for drug addiction. It's not "drug," it's "drag"!

LAWYER JOKES

Here are some of our faves:

If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer's.

How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?

Only one if you run him through slowly!

A: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning?

B: No.

A: Good!

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all.

When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?

Not enough sand.

What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?

Skeet.

Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on.

What's the difference between a shame and a pity?

If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that's known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that's a shame.

Two lawyers met at a cocktail party.

"How's business?" asked the first.

"Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there was already another lawyer hanging on to the bumper."

The devil visited a young lawyer's office and made him an offer.

"I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls and their children's souls must burn in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment and said, "What's the catch?"

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.

Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?

An ambulance stopped suddenly.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

This winter it's been so cold that lawyers have their hands in the own pockets!

WACKY LAWSUIT CONTEST

Heard about a crazy lawsuit? Enter our Wacky Lawsuit of the Month Contest to win a free copy of So Sue Me!. Email us at .

Meanwhile, here are some of our favorites (yes, these are real):

A man riding his bike home from work at night with no lights, only reflectors, was hit by a Jeep after the driver ran a stop sign. The bicyclist sued the bike manufacturer because he was not warned that reflectors might not be enough to prevent an accident. The man was awarded $6 million.

A woman sued a nightclub after she fell out of a bathroom window and had her two front teeth knocked out. She won $12,000 plus dental expenses. She fell from the window, which she was using to sneak into the club to avoid the $3.50 cover charge.

A 10-year-old boy sued his landlord for $1 million. He claimed he suffered great distress after the toilet in his Bronx apartment exploded.

The Anheuser-Busch Company was sued by a man for emotional distress, because he had no luck with the ladies after drinking their product.

A New York small-business owner is suing Air France for $12 million after crew members broke down the bathroom door and pulled him out in front of other passengers, fully exposing him. A smoke alarm had gone off on the plane, and they thought he was smoking.

An Arizona inmate sued when he was not invited to a party for guard who was leaving.

A West Virginia woman won more than $2 million after she hurt her back opening a pickle jar while at work.

Lee Williams sued a tattoo shop for spelling the word "villain" wrong in his tattoo. Neither Williams nor the tattoo artist knew how to spell the word, which ended up reading "villian."

An Indiana prison inmate sued because his was not given Rogaine to treat his baldness.

Erica Bailey, 21, is suing for $1.5 million after the child she was babysitting hit her in the throat. She claimed she could not live a normal life with her new, hoarse voice.

A Texan woman was awarded $780,000 after she sued a furniture store. She sued because she tripped and fell over a child running amok in the store. Surprisingly, she won the case, even though the child was her own.

A woman sued the company that makes "The Clapper," the popular device for turning lights on and off without getting up. The woman's suit claimed she "had to clap too hard to turn her appliances off."